50 & Fabulous
It all began back in 2011. I was feeling really down after the loss of my cosmetic company that was affected by Super Storm Sandy. I was working really hard and very long hours building a business and a life style brand. This was my baby at that time and all of my heart and soul was completely invested. During that period, I was only photographing Stills of cosmetics and gradually added before and after shots of client makeovers as a Makeup Artist and Hair Stylist. I thought I had everything in my life a woman could every want, including a wonderful husband.
For as long as I could remember since I was a little girl, I always had this feeling inside that I was never ever good enough. I kept busy to drown out my own negative chatter in my head. I secretly began to beat myself down and became extremely critical of the things I did not like about myself. I was constantly looking outside of myself for validation. Me of course, I didn’t let anyone know, including my husband, what I was really feeling inside because I didn’t allow myself to appear vulnerable to the outside world. I isolated myself and started to feel extremely lonely. I felt like such a failure and I was no longer enjoying the things I once loved and lost my passion and taste for life!
I started seeing a therapist who practices life-coaching and counseling. I learned in therapy that the secret to happiness is how we choose to perceive what we see in the world and how we choose to view ourselves. Our thoughts dictate what we feel and we can choose what we put into our own heads. What I’ve learned thus far is: The Happiness of Life is about acceptance and gratitude from a place of love.
Two years ago, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and I felt like my world was coming to an end! I have always had a struggle with my weight since I was a teen, but now felt that the task was going to be near impossible to achieve getting the weight off. One day, I just stopped comparing myself and relinquished what I thought society wanted me to be. I accepted myself as I am and began taking baby steps of loving myself again by taking better care of my body and doing the things I love. I put myself first without guilt so that I can give the best quality of myself to all that I love around me. I started out with diet and exercise and changing my eating habits and moved around a little more. Most importantly, I stopped looking outside of myself for validation, doubting my own talent and self-worth. I imagined the words in my mind saying: “I am good enough right now!”
Something inside me shifted and I started to lose weight and feeling better about myself. I started taking my time with all the things I love to do. I find myself in good place now in my mind and in my heart. I am now able to start giving back to the world from a place of love and self-acceptance. My goal is to photograph as many woman as possible that has ever had a critical thought about who they are and how they perceive themselves in photos. I want to show them and the world from the inside out how beautiful they really are!
So, to set the example, I did not wait until I lost 50 pounds, or worried about how fat my arms were going to look in the photo, how frizzy my hair is, how shiny I become when I start sweating during a hot flash, or cringed at the sight of my double chin. I celebrated my 50th birthday with my husband at my side and I had my first professional portrait taken since 2007! I celebrated my life with a 50 & Fabulous Portrait that was captured by my friend and Wedding Photographer, Carlos Alvarado.
So let’s us not waste another moment on being perfect and live our life to the fullest here and now in the moment and document our celebrations with beautiful portraits for our friends and family to remember us as we are. Exist in photos for generations to come and let my camera be your witness, tell your story and show your true beauty from the inside out through my lens.
Honor all that you are with acceptance, gratitude and with love,